Loving him since the time I remember....

It all started with Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge. I fell for the mischievous, graceful and charming Raj Malhotra. I was too young to even realize that the adorable character onscreen is not even real. And how could I ever have known, since the person portraying the role, does it with so much ease, perfection and honesty that not for one second you can think he could be someone else. Nevertheless, later I came to realize that, to my huge astonishment, Raj Malhotra was just one of the magnificent characters portrayed by Shah Rukh Khan. 

I guess that’s how it all began. I’ve literally been a fan for as long as I can remember. Now ofcourse it’s a lot more than just being a fan. I’m a well wisher, an admirer, a fanatic, a devotee – all perhaps to an extreme level. I’ve grown up loving him; I don’t know how life is like not loving him. To say he means the world to me would be an understatement, as I feel my world itself starts with him. Loving him has been a part of my everyday life, I loved him in sadness, in happiness and in mood of every other color, that now I feel I wouldn’t know true or real emotions without feeling my love for him at the same time. 

And why wouldn’t a person love him? He’s the perfect gentleman, the ideal husband, doting father, and a loving brother. He respects women; perhaps more than any other man does in his position. Never can I forget the time when he held my hand in the crowd, and was too much of a gentleman to let it go. Or when one of the ladies in the crowd dropped her camera, he was the one to bend down and pick it up for her. He’s down-to-earth; he’s simple and believes in being “ordinary”. He makes you believe you can be him, or perhaps more than that he makes you believe that he’s like you. He’s adorable; he has a great sense of humor, a charming personality. He makes you smile when no one else can. He’s one of the biggest sources of inspiration in my life; he gives me confidence, hope, and faith. When I’m down I know I can always go seeking for any one of his interviews, and it will lighten and cheer me up. Just as I mentioned before, through joy and sorrow he is always there, be it just a google search or a tweet away.


As I said before, I can’t even imagine not having him in my life, and as corny as it may sounds he indeed is like the air around me, without which I cannot breathe. I’m blessed to be here on the same era as him, I’m blessed to know him. Whatever goodness I’ve in me today, besides my parents, is the result of having him in my life. He has touched the lives of millions with his work, and gave us all many reasons to smile and be happy from H.A.R.T. He always helped me see the beauty of life, with both my eyes and heart. Perhaps the things mentioned here are just repetitions of what has been told a million times. But truth always has the same form and appearance, the only thing that changes is how we present it. Been loving him unconditionally all these years, and no matter how many times I ask myself or write a blog/article, I’ll never really know why I love him the much I do. The only thing I know is that he deserves all my love, and perhaps even more. Will love you Shah Rukh, Jab Tak Hai Jaan….Jab Tak Hai Jaan…. (with no intentions of freaking anyone out, perhaps  will love him even after that….) 

A short message for the dearest:

Dearest Shah, 

On this auspicious night of your birthday, all that comes from heart are prayers for you and your family. Thank you once again for everything. You're special and will forever be. Happy Birthday, and may you outlive all of us. Wishes for a good a health, a happy heart, a prosperous life, and no more broken bones. I love you forever and for always.

Sincerely,
Just another fanatic.

April 12th, 2012: Being With The Yale Chubb Fellow

After 2years, 2months, 11days, 6hours and 45 minutes later he was once again in front of me. This time for even a longer duration, while being charming, intelligent, gorgeous-in short just being "perfect".

The journey from New York City to New Haven:

I had to get up pretty early to be on my way to New Haven (at Connecticut, CT) for the event, since it was on a first come first serve basis, which allowed me to sleep less than four hours that night. Tried to eat something before leaving home but failed miserably, I simply could just not swallow the food! I already had print outs of maps of various routes to get to the location (Shubert Theater), since I have never been to CT before and heard the place is not very safe, so did not wanted to take any risk by getting lost. Like last time, I did not put any songs on, as I mentioned before they make me emotional (specially his). Yet all I could think about was him, and everytime I checked my iTouch for time I blew kisses at him seeing his picture on background.

I reached New Haven at around 12pm, while the show was suppose to start at 4pm. So I was ofcourse on time, if not very early. The first thing I saw as I walked in front of the theater was, the big board outside that had his name in big font stating the timing of his lecture! A lecture by him (imagine how I felt)!? I was the second person queue, behind an American lady who flew from Virginia being the first to reach the venue. There were some other people here and there, but no one wanted to stand on line as it was freezing outside, and it was kind of silly to stand there while the place was literally empty. The weather actually changed all of a sudden, all I had on me was my thin leather jacket and I did not even wear closed shoe. It was cold as hell with freezing wind blowing from every corner, it was only 12 and we had to stand till 3.30pm (atleast). I could easily have moved and gone to a coffee place or somewhere to sit, but I did not want to give up my spot. I could have asked the lady or the two Pakistani guys (who later came to stand behind me) to keep my spot, while I go get warm, but I did not want to do it. As that would have given me the feeling that I don’t deserve the spot, since I was prioritizing my own comfort . I knew I had to stand there freezing if may, to tell myself that yes I deserve to be here, I deserve to have him in front of me for an hour and  half, I deserve it as much as 1600 other people in the theater. 

As if it wasn’t freezing enough, Allah perhaps wanted to test me more. The wind got crazier and to add to our complications it started raining! Yes freezing wind, freezing cold rain water and we had no umbrellas! It was unbelievably cold; I was shivering like crazy, never in my life I shivered like this before, and on top of that I already got drenched in the rain. It was only 1pm by then, my pumps being made out of some thick fabric, once it got wet it wasn't drying. My feet were frozen, I could not walk, it seemed I had two blocks of ice inplace of my feet. Media started showing up after a while, while people went crazy to give interviews. I on the other hand did not wanted to move from my spot to go and talk with media. However, NDTV wanted to talk with the people who were first on line. They asked me what was so special about him that I traveled all this way, I said "Because he's the KING of the world".

Anyways just as we got drenched in the rain, the cold wind dried us. So my whole body was ice cold, and on top of that cold wind kept blowing with full speed. By this time the crowd grew so big, I knew it was impossible to get a hug from him, which I so much desired. But to be very honest what I was getting was enough for me, hug would have been a cherry on top, but later I realized having him in front makes up for the whole cake including the cherry! After waiting for what seemed about an eternity it was 3pm, when they would open the door. The management was so bad, and the people who were managing were rude to core. It was 3pm and no one opened the door, it was 3.15 no one opened. The people inside saw us freezing to death outside and yet they did not open. The police inside even took a picture of us in his phone, perhaps to hold the best example of dedication. It was 3.30pm no one opened, I had a feeling he was running late and hence the delay. And then at about 3.50pm they opened the door for us, I said Bismillah and went in, happily the second person to walk through the door.I won’t write much about the seating arrangement, but that was also terrible. Got to seat in the VIP section ultimately and that is what counts, forgetting the struggle we had to go through to get there, even though we were first on line, as I said management was very bad.

It was 4pm+ and still no sign of the sweet-heart. After about 20 minutes someone walked on to the stage, and the crowd screamed! His first reaction was “I’m not Khan”, which made me want to get that Khan from wherever he was and give a crushing hug! He announced delay of the event (as expected) and said Mr. Chubb Fellow will attend a press conference first, that we'll get to see on screen, and then come down to be in front of us. At around 5.15pm people on the screen started to get busy, the crowd knew what it mean so we screamed. The KING has arrived.

Main Event:

The charming, ever graceful, the most handsome man, the best human being currently on the planet was there on the screen and somewhere upstairs to where I was seating. We were in the same building! Him and me. As I thought he wore black ofcourse. The press conference was kept short, and it was announced that he was coming down to the theater shortly. Guess how my heart behaved, sorry but you don’t get anything for the right answer. Anticipation, excitement, nervousness the few minutes wait was killing me! I wanted him there, right in front of me, right away. The head of the South Asian Organization who sort of started the idea to get him at Yale for the honor walked in, spoke a little about him and the honor. She left us with this video clip from his movies, songs, stage shows etc. The crowd roared, with each song, scene, and basically his sight.

The video ended, and HE walked in………

I screamed, I screamed with all my heart, I screamed as loud as my voice allowed me to. I always wanted to be part of the scream team when I used to see it on tv. I wanted him to feel he was so welcome, I wanted him to feel our love and support through our scream, oh what the hell I don’t want to cry now, okay I literally wanted to take my heart out and give it to him! His first word on the podium and we screamed again. He was smiling, I saw his dimples, I saw his hair all gelled up. I was staring at him so hard as to make myself believe it was him. I stared so hard I wanted him to get stuck in my eyes so I can never see anything else but him only. He started his lecture, I understood some of it and some I did not, as it was difficult to multitask at the moment, staring at him as well as listening. My eyes took the lead though. Yet from what I got from his lecture, it was beautiful. Subhanallah, the way this man’s mind works. He is not only intelligent, he knows how to write well, how to gather his thoughts and express them in a way that it touches your heart’s string and play DDLJ tune with it! I took pictures, recorded videos, screamed even more. Whenever, he mentioned Ra.One I was the first to scream, while people joined me, I wanted him to know that he is loved and his dream movie too. I even made faces at him (!!) when he was being modest! I wanted to hug him when he said he was “sexy and most desirable”. I wanted his lecture never to end, I wanted time to miraculously stop. After the speech he went backstage, only to come back again for Q/A (all thanks to Allah). 

The shona walked in again, and we all screamed. He sat down, and luckily he sat on the chair closer to our side, and as I assumed the black mug to hold his coffee he indeed was drinking from it. There were two students from the University on his left (I forgot why they were selected), and on his right was one of Yale’s Professor of philosophy. This is when I started staring even more creepily at him. I could see him completely now, head to toe. I stared like some creepy fan girl, the realization of which is amazing me now! I stared at his hair, his eyes, his nose, the way he bites his lips, his ears, his hands, his wedding ring, his shoes (and the thing hanging out from one of them), the way he scratches his hair, the way he blushes, the dimples – I stared deeply at him. I could not look anywhere else; my eyes were stuck on him. I noticed every single thing he was doing, every single thing.

After Q/A he got up, in order to perform a little to say dialogues, dance a little etc. He said dialogues from DON and also did his famous pose. I did not feel like I was in the same planet filled with so much negativity. Everything seemed too good to be real. Then he decided to perform in Chammak Challo, this seemed so surreal. It was my childhood dream to see him perform, and moreover I wanted to be in some kind of program which has only him! To be honest no one will really understand what goes through me when I’m experiencing all this, except probably the people who knows me since childhood. No one else can really understand how much all these means to me, or how much he means to me. While he was performing I wanted to scream as much as my voice allowed me, wanted to scream until no more sound came out. His moves are so perfect and elegant, everything about this man worth the best compliments. He bowed after his performance, which was unexpected. So I screamed again to show how much every little thing he does is appreciated by us.

The program almost came to an end; it was time for him to take a leave. Everyone cheered; everyone made him feel how much he is loved. And while he was about to leave stage, we all ran toward the stage (atleast the ones in front). Screwing the American security guards, no one cared what they will say or do! He had to leave stage from the side where I was, so mostly he was on our side (lucky I got yet again?). As he was walking away, people were going crazy to hold his hand. The gentleman walked forward to hold our hands, but then the first person whose hand he held was an asshole (pardon!) enough to pull him. I had a mini-heart attack, the baby almost fell! South Asian crowds are worse, they don’t know manners, and they don’t know how to respect. So the jaan decided to leave, as the crowd in front was not worth touching him. One of the most memorable moments of this experience was when he was standing the closest to me, to hold hands; he smiled squeezing his eyes and showing his dimples. It seemed like his eyes were also smiling, those gorgeous brown eyes.

He went backstage, we came out and wanted to look for his car. It was easy to notice it as there was heavy security around it. People gathered on both sides of the car, and when the security noticed the crowd was increasing they pushed everyone back even further. I was on the left side of the car, and again it was a good spot as I could see the car totally, while the view of people on the other side was blocked by wall. Anyways the jaan came out, and needless to say everyone screamed. As he saw us, you could clearly tell, he wanted to come and sign autographs. He was telling the security (US people not his personal), that he wanted to sign autographs but the lady clearly was against it. He said like two times and she denied both the times. I’m actually kind of grateful to her; I don’t know how he can even dare to come among the crowd forgetting what happened minutes ago on the stage. So he had no other option but to get in, sadly he went in from the right side. I knew that he always slides down the window to wave at his fans, and since I was on the other side I thought I would miss it. I had to run on the other side of the road! The police car, and bikes were ready and they even turned the siren on! But I had to run. Holding my breath I ran, the police vehicles were like 2 meters away from me, I could easily have gotten myself injured or arrested! Haha! Now that was quite a dare devil stunt! Anyways the result was a success; the jaan did slide the window down and was waving. I blew kisses at him, and screamed his name, and the car stormed away. So this was it, stared at the car for as long as I could.

And this is when once again my dream turned into reality. I can never ever thank Allah enough for all these blessings. For some reason, the moment I see his car moving away I wish I could just get into some car to follow where he goes. This happened last time as well!

Coming out of dreamworld:

I did not want to leave CT, I wanted to go back to those beautiful moments. But I know Insha Allah I’ll once again be blessed by them – Ameen. I was staring at nothingness, and smiling thinking of him. My company (the Pakistani guys were also coming to NYC) had to call me again and again to bring me back to reality. The first thing I saw as I walked home was the parcel, the gift I bought for him. Allah truly has a reason behind everything, I would never have been able to give it to him this time. Next time Insha Allah, it will be destined to be in his hand. Next morning as I woke up, the realization that I was almost back to the ugly reality made me feel terrible. This time he was in front of me for so long, that somehow I started hoping miraculously the moment would never end and he would always be there. I avoided talking with anyone for the next two days, it was hard to see him gone. Emotionally I've recovered by now, but healthwise not so much. Yes standing in the cold for 4 hours resulted in getting a fever, but should add this is the most precious reason to fall sick. Traveled a lot, suffered extreme weather, froze while waiting and starved whole day, yet from my mind all of these can easily be replaced so easily with just that “smile”. I end here; this time my post about the day when I saw my dream doing what he does best “entertaining”, and more.

You might also be interested in:

Video: Shah Rukh Khan performing in Chammak Challo (I should warn about my loud screams and witchy laughs. I myself was shocked at the reactions when I saw this video after getting home. I had no clue this is what I was up to.)

Pictures: Shah Ruk Khan honored as Yale University's Chubb Fellow (The privacy for the album is set as public, you just need to be logged in to FB to see it.)

P.S: Sorry I could not make the post any shorter, but the reason I've divided this into sections is so that you can only read the ones you are interested in. And thanks for reading!